The messages we get

Volume

Be quiet.  If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.  Silence is a virtue.  Don’t talk back.  Don’t make a scene.  Good things come to those who wait.  Be patient.

Safety

Don’t do that, do this.  Don’t do that, do this.  Don’t drink.  Don’t drive.  Don’t go to that neighbourhood.  Don’t go out at night.  Don’t be alone.  Don’t be alone with them.  Learn a martial art.  Be loud, shout.  Fight.  Don’t leave your drink unattended.  Don’t get drunk.  Don’t take any risks.  Plan everything.

Relationships

Be nice to men.  Don’t be nice to women.  It’s a competition.  Dress like this, no like this, no like this.  Show more/less skin.  Don’t dress like that.  Don’t earn more than your boyfriend/husband.  Don’t be more educated than your boyfriend/husband.  Don’t be queer.  Be sexually available.  Don’t have sex on the first date.  Play hard to get.  Tease.  Flirt.  He didn’t mean it.  Why didn’t you leave?

Money

It doesn’t matter that you earn less than men.  This is not a career path for women.  Don’t negotiate for a payrise, you’ll be seen as a bitch.  You’ll have a husband to support you in your retirement, so why care about super?  You don’t need to worry your pretty head about money and budgeting.

Media

Your voice isn’t important.  Your opinions don’t matter.  This issue that affects you is better discussed by a man.  Men write better than you.  Men know more than you.  Your issue isn’t important.  You can only write/publish in the “women’s interest” areas.  No one would take you seriously if you wrote about politics/the economy/sport/violence.

Politics

As a man, I can speak personally about abortion.  You have no merit.  Institutional sexism is perfectly fine and we’re doing nothing to change it.  Your sex appeal is more important than your policies and ability to do your job.  Having children shows you’re a real woman.  Having children shows you cannot dedicate your full attention to politics.

Bodies

You’re too skinny.  You’re too fat.  Exercise more.  Use this cream/lotion.  Don’t use that cream/lotion.  Eat this type of food.  Don’t eat that type of food.  Avoid carbs/protein/fat/everything.  Starve yourself thin.  Your body isn’t yours, it belongs to everyone else.  Do you feel ashamed to have your body yet?  You are beautiful.  You’re an ugly slut.

Attitude

Be nice.  Don’t have self esteem.  Be confident.  Fake it until you make it.  Feel ashamed.  Be empowered.  Be patient.  Be kind.  Don’t be rude.  Don’t stand up for yourself.  Be cautious.

Emotions

Women have more emotions than men.  Smile.  Don’t be angry.  Be calm.  Don’t cry.  Don’t scream.  Don’t be afraid.  Be afraid.  Women make no sense.  Women cannot be trusted to know their own feelings.

Belonging

You belong at home.  You belong in the kitchen.  You belong with me.  You are mine.  You belong with the children.

 

Sound familiar?

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