There are some people I know, who I think are fantastic in many ways, who have a trait that tends to bug me a lot. It’s this, an ability to tolerate/indulge certain (mostly negative) behaviours from individuals because they need to be that right now, or that they need to feel that it is ok to be that right now. The thing that gets to me most, is not that my friends tolerate/indulge these behaviours from these individuals, it’s generally that I am expected to tolerate/indulge this behaviour as well.
If I complain about one of these people and say, “Ow, my eyes have been sporked“, then far too often I feel that the other individual (often masculine oddly enough) will be defended, and I am expected to attempt to compromise around their behaviour and it’s negative impacts on me. I feel that I am expected to be the grown-up while the other person is often indulged in whatever tantrum, bad behaviour, etc, that they are undertaking that I am objecting to. “Oh but you don’t know where they are right now” and “But they’re not really like that” aren’t good enough. Compromise is not a one way street.
If someone is being an arsehat, then I’m going to call that out. I understand that the support I’m going to get from some of my friends is going to be seriously lacking, but that’s going to be ok. Because right now, I clearly need to be angry and intolerant of all arsehatted behaviour. I will be spending a lot more time being intolerant of arsehats and the negative impact that has on me. Because it’s time we all grew up.