Intimidation
Posted: November 24, 2010 at 9:50 am | Tags: anxious, thoughtsI’m not used to feeling intimidated… well I am and I’m not. Let me explain.
I was regularly told during my childhood that I could do whatever I wanted. Anything I wanted to put my mind to, I’d be able to achieve, with appropriate learning/effort/time. My parents were happy for me to be an engineer, plumber, optometrist, marine biologist, mother, teacher, nurse, chemist, whatever struck my fancy at that point in time. And when I first stumbled into a full time job that ended up being a 15 year career, I started with baby steps and ended up running with the bulls – all with time, effort and learning. It flowed over the years, and although there were moments of intimidation in the whole, “You think I can do this? Are you sure? I’m not so sure” when I started a radically different role from the one I was doing (going from being managed to managing for example), the roles had enough in similar and I knew who I was working with, or going to be working with, for it to be relatively smooth.
I’m no longer in that position. I’ve made a HUGE career change, I’ve started afresh again and I’m in very unfamiliar territory. The internship here with my global multinational employer was easy, all work and no responsibility, but somehow I’ve impressed EVERYONE, and they’ve offered me a role with lots of responsibility (and training and support and time to get to know everything). I’d forgotten just how intimidating starting a new role can be, especially when it comes with high expectations and responsibility. I know I can do just about everything I put my mind to, but right now I’m anxious that I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew, even if many of my immediate colleagues think that I am a gift from their deity of choice. So anxious in fact that while napping on my weekend away with James (photos here), I kept dreaming of falling of the cliffs of Mount Buffalo. Accepting this job is the right thing to do for me, for my career, for my mortgage, and for the future plans of world domination that I may or may not have. Intellectually I know all this, but my emotional side is biting her nails and stressing about stuffing it all up.
