Tag Archives: rape

End of 2011 linkspam

The last (and second ever) linkspam for 2011.  Here are some articles and/or links that I’ve found interesting over the past… whenever it was since the last time I did this.  (Blogging sporadically because I’m playing lots of Skyrim).

The awesome Greta Christina blogged on why “Yes, but” is a terrible response to misogyny *trigger warning for discussion of rape*.

When the topic of misogyny comes up, and men change the subject, it trivializes misogyny.

When the topic of misogyny comes up, and men change the subject, it conveys the message that whatever men want to talk about is more important than misogyny.

When the topic of misogyny comes up, and men change the subject to something that’s about them, it conveys the message that men are the ones who really matter, and that any harm done to men is always more important than misogyny.

And when the topic of misogyny comes up, and men change the subject, it comes across as excusing misogyny. It doesn’t matter how many times you say, “Yes, of course, misogyny is terrible.” When you follow that with a “Yes, but…”, it comes across as an excuse. In many cases, it is an excuse. And it contributes to a culture that makes excuses for misogyny.

The anti-discrimination blog (formally The Anti-bogan) asks Why is Facebook is Protecting Pro Rape Language and Abuse of Women? *Trigger warning for discussion of rape*

If it was not clear before, we must understand now that Facebook wasn’t built for us — it was built for the profit of the very few. That Facebook is of value to the public as a communications platform is only important to Facebook insofar as it allows them to sell targeted advertising against our own speech. Its governing document, the Terms of Service, has been repeatedly applied unfairly and without accountability to its users, as its purpose is to legally protect Facebook from our conduct, not provide us with a free space, or even a safe space. Facebook needs to be only as minimally welcoming to us so as to ensure our return to use it again. And that we might use Facebook as a public square for activism? Not even in the business model.

I recently watched This Gamer Girl Manefesto Pwns, it is awesome – if you’re a gamer please click and enjoy.

And this video is just full of the win

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For my exes

*Trigger warning for discussion of rape and relationship abuse*


So, dear exes… these songs are all for you.

For the pain, heartache, and torture you put me through during and after our relationship by being a complete and utter arsehat.  For dumping me so you could be monogamous with your other girlfriend because she’d earlier dumped you and you’d never been dumped before.  For so completely misunderstanding me and never asking me why I did something or what I was thinking.  For emotionally abusing me for years, treating me like dirt, because the power got you off.  For raping me and not listening to me say “no” and then being faux apologetic afterwards, “Let’s not do that again”, and then at the next opportunity pressuring me into having sex with you again.  For failing to communicate effectively with me and instead just dumping announcements and changes on me, expecting that I’d be completely fine with them.

These are the breakup songs which speak to me and help me keep going on, the songs that help me know that I did nothing to deserve the pain that I went through, and that I sing with the other strong women (lyrics linked to in song titles).

The first is by Paul Mac, featuring Ngaiire, called, “It’s not me, it’s you“.  I hadn’t actually seen the film clip to this song until tonight, and it’s awesome.



The second is by a relatively unknown (at least in Australia) indy band called Elizabeth and the Catapults – called “Momma’s Boy“.  Because I relate to this song so much (and I like this song but it isn’t specifically breakup related).


The third is by Goyte, “Somebody that I used to know” featuring Kimbra, because I relate quite strongly to Kimbra’s part.



The fourth is Basement Jaxx featuring Lisa Kekaula, “Good Luck“, which is a great “FUCK YOU” song.

The fifth is Kelis with her song, “Caught Out There” (Trigger warning for abelism and depictions of violence).

And the final song is Vassy’s “Wanna Fly“.

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38th Down Under Feminists’ Carnival

Down Under Feminists' Carnival Logo

Hello everyone and welcome to the 38th Down Under Feminists’ Carnival.  Thanks for all the fantastic submissions and to everyone who wrote all the fantastic articles I’m linking to.

If at any point I have misnamed, mislabled, or misgendered someone, please let me know immediately so that I can correct my error If I have included a post of yours that you would not like included, please let me know and I will remove it.  Should any of my links be broken, just let me know and I’ll attempt to fix it.

Continue reading 38th Down Under Feminists’ Carnival

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This is why we need relationship training

Today survey results from a study conducted by VicHealth for the Australian Federal Government, into attitudes regarding  violence against women.  The full reports and stuff from VicHealth are here, the ABC coverage of the report is here.

This is the first such survey since 1995, so its been a while since the last one and this survey covered a broad spectrum of the Australian population.  The disturbing findings (“challenges”) as listed in the fact sheet are below:

Fewer people in 2009 believe that slapping and pushing a partner to cause harm or fear is a ‘very serious’ form of violence than in 1995 (from 64% in 1995 to 53% in 2009).

So although the percentage of people who think that slapping and pushing a partner to cause harm or fear has dropped, it is still stupidly high.

22% of people in 2009 believe that domestic violence is perpetrated equally by both men and women compared with 9% in 1995.

This is better I suppose.  Domestic violence is perpetrated by both genders, even if one gender features higher in statistics of domestic violence, but the number is still low, meaning that men who are victims of domestic violence are unlikely to be able to get the help or validation they need.

34% believe that ‘rape results from men being unable to control their need for sex’.

This feeds back into rape culture and the fact that men shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions in relation to sex, because it is an overwhelming thing that just destroys their minds…. or something.  Seriously although someone may crave sex, they can just masturbate versus raping someone.

One in four people (26%) disagrees that ‘women rarely make false claims of being raped’.

To put this in perspective, 26% of the people surveyed believe that women cry rape for fun.  Seriously people what is wrong with you?  Why would someone falsely claim that they were raped by someone else?  This is such a damaging claim, it detracts from everyone who has ever been raped and forces victims to go further than they need to to prove that they have been raped.  This is one reason why so many victims don’t go to the authorities after they’ve been raped, because who would believe them?

13% of people still agree that women ‘often say no when they mean yes’ and roughly one in six (16%) agrees that a woman ‘is partly responsible if she is raped when drunk or drug affected’.

This again is pure rape culture. The one at fault for raping someone is the rapist, and not the victim.  Victim blaming does not reduce rape culture, does not help the victim and if someone says “NO”, then that’s pretty clear.  When I say “No”, I do not mean, “Please come by and rape me later, it’d be fun.”  Thankfully there are some good rape prevention programs being launched around the world.

One in five people (22%) believes that domestic violence can be excused if later the perpetrator regrets what they have done.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I punched you in the face and gave you a black eye.  I didn’t mean to fracture your eye socket, I was having a bad day.”

Does that work for you?  Do you feel better now about that black eye and fractured eye socket, having to wear makeup to hide the bruising?  Probably not.  Domestic violence should not be excused, it is assault, it is a crime and no matter how sorry to perpetrator feels afterwards, that does not excuse what they did.  You may choose to forgive them, but that doesn’t wipe the slate and make what they did acceptable.

Eight in ten people in the general community say it is hard to understand why women stay in violent relationships and more than half believe a woman could leave a violent relationship if she really wanted to.

Thanks to the Family Law Center I have the perfect answer to this (yay the internet!).

Simply asking the question “Why do women stay in violent relationships?” is blaming the victim. People don’t seem to ask nearly as often, “Why do men batter?”, a question which places the blame with the perpetrator. It is easy to blame the victims in battering relationships. Often, those outside the relationship will think that if she really wants to leave, she can. However, abuse is never the victim’s fault, and there are often many psychological issues affecting abused women and their ability to leave an abusive relationship.

Ok, so to take this back to the title of the post.  I’ve been a long believer in the fact that sex education in Australia is completely inadequate to prepare people for not just sex but also relationships with the people they’re having sex with.  Teenagers muddle along in relationships, possibly basing them on what they’ve read, other relationships they’ve witnessed (good and/or bad) and the media.  If the education system actually had proper discussions about types of relationships, what was good in a relationship and what could be bad or problematic, that alternate relationship styles (BDSM, polyamory, etc) were ok and that alternate sexualities were also ok, then suddenly we have a system that can start preparing children and teenagers to have good relationships.  If we throw in good communication skills; an understanding of why honesty is important with your partner; proper discussions of domestic violence and sexual assault; and discussions of STI testing, and we’ve moved to providing a world class educational model for the next generation.

If this is done well, then maybe we’d reduce the number of people who think that victims should be blamed, reduce rape culture and get that tricky issue of consent sorted out.

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Understatement of the Month

After a gang rape at a school dance in the US:

“‘‘Obviously we’ve had some breakdowns. Obviously, it was not safe because this happened,’’ said Charles Ramsey, a West Contra Costa school district board member. ‘‘Should we have had higher awareness, should we have been more vigilant? Probably.’’”

No… that last world should be YES.

If people felt that gang raping a 15 year old girl was ok, there are a lot of things wrong with that school. I don’t really know where to begin with the list of things that are wrong either… apart from EVERYTHING. At least the police are actively investigating the rape and assaults and hopefully the judicial system will not use the “oh but she asked for it” line.

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