Derryn Hinch – longtime campaigner against sexual abuse

[Trigger warning – this post discusses sexual abuse and the articles linked in this post may contain graphic descriptions of sexual abuse]

Say what you like about Derryn Hinch, and I’ve said plenty before, but he certainly has chosen a cause that makes me grateful he’s still around annoying everyone.  I always thought that Hinch was like a bulldog… he’d grab a story, an idea, or even a misrepresentation and keep at it until he’d made a point, and given his current campaign against sexual abuse landing him in trouble, you’d think that maybe he’d back off and find something else to campaign against.

But no… this is Derryn Hinch, and he is a bulldog.  He wrote an article in The Sunday Age regarding a church elder/founder who stands accused of abusing the position of trust that he held within that organisation through sexually abusing a woman who had survived sexual abuse as a child from her family.  Being Derryn Hinch, which kinda means he has different ways and means that the average person, he grabbed this story and ran… tugged… whatever it is that bulldogs do.  He broke this story for The Age, and I suspect we’ll hear more about it and the fallout, especially as the alleged abuser claims he has not resigned his position within his church/thing despite the officials of the church/thing claiming he has.

Is there a point here?  Not overly… I do like being surprised by people in unexpected ways, even after I’ve decided I don’t like them.  I still think that Hinch is an over opinionated shock-jock, but there appears to be common ground between him and I that I never thought I’d find.

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Roses Only… more like sexist only

I was at the cinema last night to watch Joueuse (Queen to Play) as part of the French Film Festival in Melbourne.  As with every other cinema experience, we were treated to a range of ads for products and services before the film began.  Tefal featured strongly as the sponsor of the festival, and then the last ad (well the last ad I paid attention to) came up.

Unfortunately the ad is not available online, so I’ll just have to summarise what happened here:

  • Man A is sitting in a pub with Man B.  Man A talks about his shed extension and the problems he faced.
  • Man A describes his female partner objecting to the shed extension and the scene changes to her complaining that to extend his shed he’ll have to cut this tree down, and “what about the birds”
  • Man B asks what Man A did to solve this problem
  • Man A states, “Roses only” and the scene cuts to his female partner looking adoringly at a dozen roses and Man A outside starting a chain saw.

I was staggered at the amazing sexism in this ad:

  1. Firstly only women care about the environment, and if you care about the environment, then you’re a woman;
  2. The best way to get what you want is to buy into gender tropes and buy your female partner a nice shiny thing to distract her from her worries or to change her principles;
  3. Women will easily change their principles for expensive gifts; and
  4. Buying an expensive gift now will absolve you from all future issues relating to the same topic.

Now imagine if the ad was switched around, sticking to gender tropes:

  • Woman A is in a cafe talking to Woman B about her recent kitchen extension and the problems she faced
  • Woman A describes her male partner objecting to the kitchen extension and the scene changes to him complaining that to extend the kitchen his shed will be demolished and what will he do?
  • Woman B asks what Woman A did to solve this problem
  • Woman A states, “I bought him a slab/DVD of the footy/tickets to a sporting event/a drill” and the scene cuts to her male partner looking at said item adoringly while his shed is ripped down.

Or of course we could remove gender entirely from this annoying trope and just use people:

  • Person A is dining with Person B explaining about the resort they’ve just built and the issues they faced
  • Person A describes how Person C complained about the development because of the site of the development impacted on a site of significance/religious importance/their own dwelling
  • Person B asks what they did to solve this problem
  • Person A states that they gave Person C some beads/shiny thing/grog/small sum of money and the scene cuts to Person C looking at said item adoringly while having their site of significance/religious importance/their own dwelling destroyed.

Cheerful isn’t it?  So Roses Only, how about:

  1. Not being sexist;
  2. Not playing into gender tropes about what women will do and what principles they’ll compromise for an expensive gift;
  3. Not being so heterosexual focused; and
  4. Never advertise again?

If only it was so easy.

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    I’d like less Vatican in my life

    In the latest from the Vatican, Benny has decided to condemn priests who abuse children, and for a change not link paedophilia to homosexuality.  The article is good, it talks about how Bishops who have been hiding child abuse are not being condemned, and that the Vatican isn’t really doing anything about the child abuse  other than talking about it.  The bit that annoyed me was at the end:

    In his speech on Monday, Benedict said children deserved to be loved and respected by all – and that they flourish best in a family.

    He stressed his long-standing position that a family is founded on the marriage between a man and woman – and that couples should do everything possible to avoid separation and stay together for the sake of their children.

    “They want to be loved by a mother and a father who love one another; they need to live with and grow up with both parents, because the maternal and paternal figures are complementary in educating children and in building their personalities and identities,” the pope said. [emphasis mine]

    This, again, shows how far out of touch with reality the pope is.  I could start with how the nuclear family is a very recent concept and only really started in the 17th and 18th century, and then discuss how widespread nuclear families are, and how common extended families are, to suggest that perhaps the pope’s idea of a family needs to be broadened.

    But what I’m going to do instead is complain about the bolded text above.  I posted a while ago about why conservatism is bad for women’s rights, and this is more of the same, by one of the most conservative and patriarchal institutions on the planet.  I said then:

    The big problem with this style of conservative thinking, and “traditional family values” is that it places women in society at a lesser place than the men. Women are typically more likely to become victims of domestic violence than men (I am not denying that men are not victims of domestic violence), so if it harder for women to obtain a divorce from a violent marriage, then that’s hardly fair and surely not part of what people would think that “traditional family values” are.

    Staying together “for the sake of the children” if you are in an abusive relationship is not in the best interests of the abused spouse or the children.  Staying together “for the sake of the children” if one of the spouses is abusing the children, is not in the best interest of the spouse or the children.  Staying together “for the sake of the children” and raising those children in a toxic environment full of anger, hate and bitterness, is not in the best interests of the children.

    Surely if we are going to “think of the children” then surely what is in the best interests of the children should come BEFORE religious ideals of the nuclear family and traditional values.

    Personally,  I’d also like the pope to show me his research in relation to what children want.  I agree that children want to be loved, but I am sure that in some incredibly dysfunctional households* children don’t want to be loved by one of their parents and would rather be a long way away from them, due to abuse (directed at them or their other parent), neglect or disdain.

    And how does the pope knows that “the maternal and paternal figures are complementary in educating children and in building their personalities and identities”, and how that has to be a mother and father, versus extended family such as aunts, uncles, grandparents or close family friends.  There are many families that are single parents due to the death of one of the parents, should that single parent immediately rush out and remarry because their child is now lacking a maternal or paternal figure?

    I am tired of the Vatican telling the rest of us how to live our lives.  We’re grown up now Mr Vatican and we’re making our own way in the world.  Get back in your box and leave us alone.

    * And yes, I have evidence for this

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    White male privilege

    I recently discussed male privilege with someone who took offence at another woman referring to another man misusing his “white male privilege.”  The woman, lets call her Jane, stated that she was frustrated with another man, we’ll call him Fred, because he was misusing his white male privilege when he was transphobic and refused to listen and apologise .  The first man, we’ll call him Geoff, derailed the conversation and stated that he objected to the term “white male privilege” as it creates a perception that white males are “the bad guys” and that Fred’s actions were indeed wrong, but they were wrong in their own right, not because Fred is a white male.  Geoff believed that there was  a fallacy of division being painted here that he saw just as bad as the transphobic behaviour.

    I pointed out, as gently as I could that white male privilege exists and pointed Geoff towards several resources, specifically:

    A – The wikipedia article on male privilege

    B – A quote from the Geek Feminism blog:

    “Privilege is described as a set of perceived advantages enjoyed by a majority group, who are usually unaware of the privilege they possess.

    A privileged person is not necessarily prejudiced (sexist, racist, etc) as an individual, but may be part of a broader pattern of *-ism even though unaware of it. “

    And C – Andrea Rubenstein’s awesome post on “Check my what?” On privilege and what we can do about it

    In the next conversation about white male privilege, Geoff suggested that he didn’t mind the term privilege but to associate it with another term is similar to saying “Islamic Terrorist”, and indeed that’s the way he regularly sees it used; as an emotional term, or used as a type of discrimination.

    I admit that I began to lose patience at this point.  I reminded Geoff at this point that the term was not used in relation to him.  That the initial discussion was about Fred and not about Geoff.  Geoff responded that the term “white male privilege” gives people a target to aim at, and that as a white male, he is part of that group and therefore about him because he cannot escape being a white male.

    I then wrote a long essay, which I will pretty much reproduce below with thanks to those who have written before me to help guide my thinking and for the parts of their writing that I have quoted below.

    ________________________________________________

    Men, especially white men, are at the top of the pile as far as privilege goes.   It’s not really a venn diagram. There’s male privilege and there’s white privilege; but white male privilege is more than the two put together. There are things that white men get, for being white men, that neither white women nor non-white men get.  For example, a non-white man would have a hard time being a priest in many of Australian parishes; (but so would a white woman), likewise a business banker, or a CEO, or a CIO etc.  There are exceptions, but these are things society generally gifts to white men; over coloured men or any woman.

    You can draw a venn diagram of all Islamic (or any nationality or religion) people and have a small overlap with terrorists and say “this tiny proportion of people in here are Islamic Terrorists (or English Terrorists, or Australian Terrorists)” but privilege doesn’t map that way.

    I don’t know if you read any of the links I put in my emails, but I am going to continue to do so anyway, because they are useful and may help explain my position here:

    http://meloukhia.net/2010/01/your_privilege_check_it.html
    http://meloukhia.net/2009/08/lets_talk_privilege.html

    “Once you have a basic grasp on the system of privilege, the next step is one simple self-realization: you are privileged. Chances are, your reading that has made you feel  defensive. While it’s a perfectly natural, and common, reaction, don’t let it get in your way of actually thinking about what the statement means. What you need to realize is that we all have privilege to some degree: white privilege, male privilege, heterosexual privilege, etc. The hardest thing is to do is to get over your instinct to fight and say, “But I’m not like that!” If you can do it, you’ve completed the first step towards being a pro-equality in reality rather than simply saying and believing that you are.”
    http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2006-03-08_146

    I highly recommend reading that entire blog post – it is REALLY good.

    It is important to remember that, “If you are in a position of privilege, it is not your fault, and people do not blame you for it.  (For example, I have white privilege. That is not my fault. But I can recognize it and ask myself what I can do about it, and I can respect people who lack white privilege when they ask me to check my privilege.) Privilege is the result of social structure, which means that discussions about privilege are discussions about society, not about individuals who have privilege.” (http://meloukhia.net/2009/11/personal_and_political.html).

    “I believe that luck and random chance play an ENORMOUS part in our lives — much larger than any of us (including myself) really like to acknowledge. And I therefore try not to feel too smug and entitled about every good thing that happens in my life — or too guilt-ridden and responsible for every bad thing. (In particular, I try to remember that, as a white, healthy, middle-class, college-educated American, I pretty much won the privilege lottery when I was born, and that griping and whining about the petty annoyances in my life is really kind of pathetic. Not that I don’t do it anyway… but when I catch myself, I try to knock it off.)” – http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2007/06/not_a_butler_ei.html

    As a man Geoff, you ride a much smoother life than many others.  You don’t face sexism, you don’t face discrimination and you don’t face objectification.  As a white person you aren’t questioned for your right to be in the country, you aren’t persecuted, you aren’t likely to be racially vilified, you won’t face discrimination on the basis of your skin colour, assumed religion, assumed association, and you’re more likely to be successful at finding work.

    I don’t think that anyone here is aiming at all white men and calling them evil.  Feminists aren’t generally misanthropists, they just want society to change from the Kyriarchy that it is, to something fairer.

    Geoff, you said that it is, therefore, about you because, by definition, you cannot escape that category.

    In the end, this is a logical fallacy.

    Dalmations are dogs.  Spot is a dog, therefore Spot is a Dalmation.

    Males misuse male privilege.  Geoff is male, therefore Geoff misuses male privilege.

    And as stated above, a discussion about privilege is a discussion  about society and how it can be misused… and in this case, about an individual who did misuse his privilege – and that doesn’t mean that it is about you.

    I would like to point out here that asking me to justify myself and explain myself is a use of privilege in itself.

    As I stated earlier, white males generally have more privilege than any other group in the world (and even more if you add wealth, cisgender or heterosexual privilege to that mix – and less if you add trans, homosexual or poor (but still usually more privilege than women and people of colour).  So Fred was using his white male and cismale privilege to refuse to listen, to state that his desire for personal freedom was more important than someone else’s identity and freedom to be  themselves and refuse to hear that he had offended, until threatened with potential expulsion [from our group].

    This might help here:
    http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/how-to-check-your-cis-privilege/

    [and this summary from Andrea Rubenstein’s post as stated earlier]

    “Any time a non-privileged individual busts out with an angry critique (or even a nice one), someone will eventually come up with the, “I’m sorry you hate men/whites/heterosexuals/etc.” line. With rare exception, non-privileged individuals do not hate privileged individuals, but we do hate how many privileged individuals act! Learn to take criticism. Learn to not deflect it with excuses about how the non-privileged person is just angry, hateful, etc. Even if the person in question is angry, hateful, etc. Even if you, personally, don’t act that way.

    “There are many issues in this world that are about you, but non-privileged groups are not the place to discuss them unless specifically invited. Yes, men are negatively affected by the patriarchy. Yes, they get raped too (and have their own set of victim blaming rhetoric). Yes, privileged groups can and do come into contact with prejudice and discrimination. Are those discussions valid? You bet. But, are they appropriate when the topic is on the discrimination and/or oppression of a particular non-privileged group? Not a chance.  If you think the subject may not be appropriate, don’t bring it up.  There’s always a later discussion, a new thread, and especially proper forums for discussions like those.

    “If You’re Not the Problem, Then You’re Not the Problem
    But if you feel the burning desire to leap to your own defense and declare, “I’m not the problem!” then you just might be. The facts are, people who have followed the steps I’ve outlined will most likely not be the problem. If they are the problem, they accept that and will be working on a way to be less of the problem. If they’re not the problem, then they feel no need to protest the critique by saying that since they aren’t the problem, then the point is obviously invalid.  So, whenever you feel an urge to defend yourself against a criticism about your privileged group, think about why you feel that way. Chances are, the more aware of your privilege you are, the more you’ll see it as a knee-jerk reaction about having your privilege challenged (even if you don’t, in fact, engage in the behaviour being ranted against).” – http://blog.shrub.com/archives/tekanji/2006-03-08_146

    _____________________

    The copyright for the quoted sections of text belong to the respective authors.  I also appreciate the assistance given to me by my sister and girlfriend for helping shape my thinking in responding to Geoff.

    In addition to that, I would like to add one further link that I found today.  Justine Larbalestier talks about men derailing conversations about sexism to make it about them called “I know you mean well”.

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