As I was travelling home tonight on the train, I looked at my reflection in the window of the train. I saw a fat woman… and wondered, briefly, what other people thought of me. I wondered what they’d think if they knew that I am polyamorous and have multiple partners (and a queue of people interested in also playing). I wondered if they would think that there was something wrong with these people who find me quite sexy and sexual and who want me.
Because I’ve been on the receiving end of “they’re interested in YOU?” as well as sometimes thinking myself “why are they interested in them?”* And it’s not fun. Not just not fun because it clearly states that I am not a sexually attractive and overall attractive individual, but also because it suggests that the person who is attracted to me has defective taste or is broken in some way.
Or… as I have heard suggested about some other fat friends, acquaintances, or strangers, perhaps the person attracted to their fat partner has a fat fetish. Which again is quite horrible because fetishisation (outside the fetish community) is seen as a mental illness by some or an undesirable trait by others, so to fetishise something is unappealing and gross. It also dehumanises the fat individual – because fetishes are typically objects and/or parts of a person – not an entire person.
Clearly the idea that anyone who is fat is also a full human being who is interesting, attractive, sexy, sexual, lovable, and desirable, is incredibly radical. How about we stop looking at the outside of people and judging what we see, and get to know people and learn who they are. You don’t have to like them or love them, but you do have to acknowledge their humanity.
* Though that’s a whole other post because it’s not just how someone appears that makes me question someone else’s relationship choice – it’s a huge package of stuff – personality, political affiliations, choices, religion, etc