A matter of respectPosted: October 21, 2010 at 2:13 pm | Tags: identity, Language, self-labelling
Dear Colleague and everyone else that does this,
I have a small request. If I ask you to not refer to me by a particular name, then don’t. I don’t care if you think it’s funny or cute or sounds interesting, if I ask you to stop using it in relation to me, just do. To not do so, indicates that you don’t respect my wishes and think that your fun, desires, whatever are more important than mine.
I know that it can seem trivial, but there are lots of good reasons why people don’t want to be known by particular names or labels, or want to be known by particular names and labels and it is not your place to judge their desires, and ignoring them suggests that your desire to label them or to call them something is far more important, regardless of the reasons why they don’t want you to.
It is not your place to judge the validity of the reasons why someone refuses a label or name. It should be enough that I can say, “Do not call me X”, without also having to provide a reason behind that. And if I do provide a reason, listen to that reason and respect it, no matter how irrelevant you find it. Because it matters to me, if you respect me then it should matter to you.
Yes, my reasons for not liking the name “Becky” may seem trivial, but I hate that name being applied to me and have threatened violence upon people who have called me that name, unknowingly or otherwise. So when I ask you to not use that name, just don’t. Because when you do, I know that you really don’t respect my wishes about how I want to be known.